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Welcome to Happy Village, Where Hugs Are Free!

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Welcome to Happy Village, where hugs are fee. Did I say fee? Well, I meant that we'll murder you with a chainsaw as soon as you enter the gates. For a fee. Not too unreasonable, right? You just walk through the gate and a happy ticket taker named McGreasy tips his top hat to you and pinches you on the ass. Not that he's a pervert, mind you. It's just that the tapeworms have gone to his brain and he can't tell the difference between a soft tushy and a pelican having a seizure. And everyone knows that the only way to stop a pelican seizure is to pinch you on the ass.

You ever shaved a gorilla with purple Jello? Of course not. It doesn't work. You can't shave a gorilla unless you tie it down first. And what would your mother think if she saw a gorilla tied to your bed? You should put more thought into these kinds of things. And call your mother.

And while you're at it, maybe you could take her to Happy Village, where we'll shower you with gifts. And that's not all we'll shower you with. You wanna shower with a goat? No problem! How about a jar of marmalade? Can do! And why aren't you calling your mother?


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