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A Tribute to the Ramshackle Factory

Making ramshackles is very important work. Luckily, Mugwumpville has its own ramshackle factory, with a generations-long mission to manufacture all manner of ramshackle. Nearly everything can be ramshackled, but there are a few things that are more popular than others:

The ramshackle marriage comes with an addiction of your choice, a pair of broken vows, and a complete disagreement on all political and social issues. Extra features include an affair with a one-legged clown, unbearable in-laws, and sausage fingers that are too fat to hit any of those tiny buttons on your cell phone. These extras may be purchased piecemeal or as part of a package.

Almost as popular as the ramshackle marriage is the ramshackle home. Inside, you’ll experience varying degrees of internal strife ranging from a sense that things aren’t quite right to a full-blown existential crisis. And that’s just the living room. The ramshackle house will cancel your homeowner’s insurance right before collapsing into a pile of rubble. If you purchase a ramshackle home, you’re advised against owning pets, as they tend to melt. Also, there’s a chance you could decide to become a door to door muffin salesman and change your name to Yarvel.

Finally, there’s the ever-popular ramshackle army. Only last year, when the city of Shitstain tried to invade Mugwumpville, they wore nothing but washcloths and sexy smiles. Their guns shot nothing more than soap bubbles. And yet, they were still able to take over the town for a few minutes. Why? Because Mugwumpville had purchased the deluxe package, wherein our soldiers spent most of their time checking between their ass cheeks for winning lottery tickets.

Despite what you might think, the ramshackle factory isn’t itself a ramshackle operation.  A team of hundreds of dedicated and brave workers slave for dozens of hours every day, and for less than minimum wage, to make sure that quality is the first priority. Bluster Tinytooth Ramshackle built the factory many years ago with a simple dream: to make the lives of dullards far more interesting. His great grandson, Bumblebus Ramshackle had this to say: “For generations we’ve operated on a simple philosophy: Anyone stupid enough to buy our products deserves them.

Indeed. The Mugwump Corporation has been using the deluxe ramshackle journalism package for over fifteen years. We look forward to continuing to be loyal customers.


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