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Why You Should Probably Try Psychedelics

I don’t know if this makes me an asshole or not, but I think I might be pro-psychedelics. I feel like, if you’re relatively mentally stable, you should try LSD or mushrooms once. I mean, I’m not saying you should take ten or twelve hits and run around like ol’ Uncle Morty when he ties on a few too many and starts chasing his pet rooster around the backyard while he twirls his dick and yells “Aieeeee!” No. That’s not what I’m talking about. Take a reasonable dose. And only do it once. Or maybe twice. Okay, three times, but that’s the max. Got it?

To make sure that you get the most out of your trip, there’s just a few guidelines you should follow. First of all, make sure you’re in a safe place where you’re not likely to get interrupted. There’s nothing like having a good trip ruined by a police raid. Trust me, you do not want to be mad-hallucinating while locked up. Taking psychedelics at your apartment or house will work just fine, provided you don’t do something stupid, like make a bunch of noise. Just don’t do what I did. I took my first trip during my senior year of high school. On a school night. I spent most of the night alone, running my fingers through my dog’s hair and imagining that we were psychically communicating. I felt incredibly silly about it in the morning. Which, by the way, came too soon. Because I was still tripping when the sun came up.

So, yeah, never take a trip alone. Taking acid or mushrooms by yourself is never a good idea. Find a friend. A relatively sober friend, if possible. Someone who won’t mind you going on for hours about how you would like to fold his kids into squares and then roll them down a hill. This is a purely hypothetical example, of course. Your humble author is much too sophisticated to go on a rant-delirium like that.

Having a sober friend around is great if you freak out. You probably won’t. Most likely, you’ll have a fucking blast. But, who knows. It’s always a good idea to have someone around who can give you a glass of orange juice or talk you down from your madness. I tripped quite a bit in the late-1990’s but I never had a bad trip or saw someone else have a major freakout. Well, my friend Mondo Zee forgot how to talk and, instead, barked insanely at a couple of girls when we were in a movie theater, about to see The Matrix. Also, he once hid in the closet, clutching a rather large knife for a few hours. Okay, I suppose he did freak out a bit, but he’s a special guy. Real special, you know? Anyway, having someone around to tell you that you’re not losing your mind is kind of a good thing. Maybe your friend will feed you Runts and read you a story. Yes, that would be nice. That would be a good friend.

If you want a more “spiritual” kind of experience, there’s nothing better than going out into the woods or even someone’s backyard on a sunny day. Don’t do it at night, though. You’ll see terrible things. Not good, man. Horrors. But during the daytime, Jesus, what a fucking ride! I mean, pardon me if I sound like a Hippie but...everything around you vibrates with a kind of life force and you feel this supreme psychic connection with everything around you. This experience is where it’s all at. It’s why we take psychedelics. And it’s fucking awesome.

So...they're...like...talking to me (source)


The reason you don’t want to do acid more than a couple of times, at most, is that you don’t need it. Once your mind has been opened and you’ve been given a small glimpse of the Infinite, there’s just no closing that particular door. It’s that freaking powerful. Do too much, though, and you become a stupid asshole without the brainpower to make your own breakfast. Believe me, I’ve been there. It’s not pretty.

Just remember, taking acid is like being shit on by an elephant: just a little dab’ll do ya.

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