Let's Have a Sausage Party!

Closed until sausage party season is over
Summer's almost here, so it's about time to start planning an epic sausage party.

Just remember, be inclusive. Sausages come in all sorts of varieties. Whether your friends' sausage is short and stubby, thick, skinny, or even one of them weird sausage link things you can swing above your head like a lasso, you should welcome them to your party. Variety being a spicy meat product, after all.

There are so many cool things you can do at a sausage party. For instance, you could try running around like a crazed animal, slapping your friends across the cheek with your sausage. But, whatever you do, never put your sausage in someone else's mouth without permission. Not cool, man. Personally, I love to pretend I'm a sort of Errol Flynn buccaneer type and challenge people to a sword fight.

Once, at a truly epic sausage party, I looked at my hand and realized my sausage wasn't there anymore. After looking around for a while, I noticed that my good friend Wally had slipped it into his pocket. I mean, it was a fucking huge sausage, so it wasn't hard to spot. I walked up to him and we shared a laugh before he gently placed it back into my hand.

One last thing: For God's sake, if you see anyone who shouldn't be at your sausage party, someone who just escaped from an asylum perhaps, then don't hesitate to kick them the fuck out. We all remember that story in the papers last year about the ax-wielding party-crasher who went around chopping folks' sausages in half. That, my friends, is a sure way to ruin even the best sausage party.


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