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Gaiety Pride Parade Ends in Sadness

Recently fired former conservative talk show host Marpus "Meal Deal" Veal decided that, this year, he would march in his very first gaiety pride parade down Mugwumpville's Main Street. Before, he had been vehemently against things like "having a good time" and "fun." Now that he was actually participating in the parade, he decided to go all the way, dressing in a pink onesie and wearing a pair of fuzzy bunny ears.


Marpus was one of 2,453 marchers this year, each celebrating their happiness and sense of being and unity with the universe in their own unique way. Well, until the clowns came out, anyway. Nearly thirty miscreants from the Cucumber Clown College and Barber School, who had been drinking a little more than usual, staggered out onto the sidewalk to taunt the paraders. They threw handfuls of cold cuts at the marchers and chanted, "Meen meeny mo miney, like this meat, life is cold and slimy."


After he was hit on the head with a piece of lunch meat, Mr. Veal suddenly stopped dancing and carrying on, causing the person directly behind him to fall flat on his ass. From there, people started falling to the street like dominoes. Soon, almost everyone in the parade was on the ground, writhing in pain and covered in slices of ham and turkey. Suddenly, several people, including Mr. Veal, were forced to face the reality in front of them.


Clowns are assholes (source)
"You know," Veal later told a reporter, "I suddenly realized that those damn clowns were right. Life is stupid. I was really making a fool out of myself. For some reason, I felt silly for wearing a pink outfit and bunny ears, though they are very cute....anyway, what was the point of it all? We're all just gonna end up as tired and broken sacks of decaying flesh."


The parade was eventually called off when the most of the participants realized that there was no more gaiety to be had. Plus, it was starting to smell bad out there, since several participants, haven given up and lost their will to live, had violently shit themselves. Once again, something nice had been ruined by clowns.




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