Queen Penus von Hummingbird Arrested for Assulting a Rainbow


Penus von Hummingbird, Queen of the Mugwumpville County Fair for twenty-seven years in a row, was arrested recently for beating the living shit out of a rainbow in downtown Turdzville, just outside the Lard Dog Emporium. The rainbow was just chillin', enjoying a meat cone, and generally minding his own business. Penus, high on Explodo pills, kicked the rainbow, punched it in the yellow and blue, and called it a fargle-bottomed munk toad.

While it's true that rainbows have committed more than their fair share of crimes in Turdzville, this particular rainbow, who, understandably, wishes to remain anonymous, had never even come close to committing a criminal act (though he had seen plenty of donkey acts). He owns a pickle farm and enjoys making sweater vests for chickens. He's the slop-handler at his church and has donated blech to starving radio hosts.

The Mugwump Corporation urges people to be careful who you pick on. Though it's true that most rainbows are complete asshats and sociopaths, there might be one or two of them who are completely harmless. Who knows, anything is possible, right? Rainbows should be shot and thrown into a mass grave. Ooops. The Mugwump Corporation does not endorse murder. But they should be murdered.

Asshole rainbow being an asshat (source)

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