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Angry Listeners Demand Radio DJ Retire After Declaring His Love For a Frozen Muffin

Famous radio DJ Marpus "Meal Deal" Veal, whose show, "The Bloated Bovine" once drew over 345,564,454 daily listeners, took some time out of his show yesterday to confirm that, yes, he has been, and is, in love with a frozen blueberry muffin.

The trouble started last year, when Marpus was attending an anti-pig-tickling demonstration called "Stop Shakin' the Bacon." A photograph was taken that appeared to show him with a muffin tucked away in his shirt pocket, but the picture was fuzzy, so no one could be sure. But the incident did rekindle old rumors. A few years ago, Marpus admitted that he had done some "experimenting" in college, but that it hadn't gone beyond "a little nibbling."

How sad! This puffin has lost his muffin. (source)
Still, questions lingered. Eventually, the scrutiny was just too much for Marpus. "I've come to the conclusion that loving muffins is something you're born with, and not a choice," he said yesterday. "I'd like to apologize to anyone I've ever offended in the muffin-lover community. Also, I would like to learn how to make an elephant disappear and teach a monkey to dress my grandmother."

Although Marpus has inspired a few people to "come out of the bakery," many prominent politicians and entertainers, including Mugwumpville Mayor Mitch Adoo, have called Mr. Veal "an invisible light bulb that wears flower pots to its boxing lessons."


I'm going to next year's "Stop Shakin' The Bacon" demonstration. And, when it comes to muffins, I do more than just a little nibbling. I demand DJ Veal gets reinstated!

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