Morgan Freeman Not Actually Marrying His Step Granddaughter, Sill Hella Badass
Fuck everyone in this poster who isn't Morgan Freeman
In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Morgan Freeman said that he was not going to marry his step-granddaughter, and they hadn't even been dating. While we hope that he had his fingers crossed behind his back, and we were absolutely shocked that the National Enquirer was wrong about something like this, we're convinced that this was still an act of badassery. I mean, we all know that Freeman was the first African-American to play a white guy in a non-comedic role, convincingly, at least. It was like, suuure, this fella just happens to be the only black dude in an all-white prison. Okay. Cool. But, more than that, there's his military career to consider. In World War I, he was nicknamed Sgt. Bananacakes. Manly name! Freeman and his men invaded the tiny South American nation of Pogo Stixx in an effort to kill the last remaining unicorns on the planet. Was it right that they were simply killing the animals so that they could wear the horns as codpieces? Maybe not, but, again, it was sure badass. So, let's put it this way: Morgan Freeman could have slept with his step-granddaughter if he really wanted to. But he chose not to. Because sometimes showing restraint is the most badass quality of all.
Written by Bernie Van De Yacht and directed by Yacht and Brett Donowho, Salvation, USA is a thriller, sort of. It reminded me a lot of a Lifetime movie with a little sex and swearing. Until the finale, which gets all sorts of batshit violent and bloody. Ah, but advertising, eh? If you watch this movie after having seen the poster, you’ll end up wondering when the hell you’re going to see some violence, as violence is most clearly implied by the thing. And if you haven’t seen the poster, you’ll watch Salvation, USA and suddenly get weirded out when a pretty basic drama gets really freakin’ bloody by the end.
The movie concerns Vinnie (Ryan Donowho), a guy who seems passionate about fixing old stoves, restoring them to their former pristine states. But it’s all a ruse. Fixing the stoves is his launchpad for a long con. Donowho is a very charming actor, and so it’s not hard for the audience to be pretty damn hypnotized by his performance. We want to believe there’s good inside the guy. …
The Legend of Boggy Creek was written by Earl E. Smith, but the whole thing represents the vision of director Charles B. Pierce. The story was pieced together from the tales of local residents from Fouke, Arkansas, some of whom appeared in Boggy Creek as themselves. The so-called Fouke Monster, basically a sasquatch, was a folk legend that residents claimed was real. Reports began to surface in newspaper articles around Arkansas in the early 70’s and they seized Smith’s imagination. He knew he had found the subject of his first feature film.
Pierce is an interesting character. A self-motivated guy with a ton of ambition, he worked as a weatherman and a children’s show host named Mayor Chuckles before starting his own advertising firm. He made commercials for all sorts of companies throughout Arkansas. The owner of a trucking company client loaned Pierce $100,000 to get started on shooting Boggy Creek. The film was an almost instant success in cheap movie theaters and drive-ins and it…
Written by Bill Phillips from a novel by Stephen King and directed by John Carpenter, Christine, released in 1983, is a love story between a boy and his car. This time, however, the car is alive and quite possessive of her boy.
She’s an older lover, too. Christine, a red Plymouth Fury, is a disheveled twenty-one years old when eighteen year old Arnie (Keith Gordon) falls for her. She’s broken down, in a state of disrepair and decay. When his best friend Dennis (Dean Stockwell) drives Arnie home after their first day of school, Arnie sees her sitting in the yard of a house that’s just as dilapidated at the car. Arnie decides he’s going to fix her, make her run again.
This movie is all about sex, love, and obsession and the moral lines that get blurred when these things interact with each other. Christine begins as Arnie and Dennis drive around discussing sex. Dennis, a football player and quite an attractive young man, has clearly had plenty of it, while Arnie is still a virgin. Denni…