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Morgan Freeman Not Actually Marrying His Step Granddaughter, Sill Hella Badass

Fuck everyone in this poster who isn't Morgan Freeman
In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Morgan Freeman said that he was not going to marry his step-granddaughter, and they hadn't even been dating. While we hope that he had his fingers crossed behind his back, and we were absolutely shocked that the National Enquirer was wrong about something like this, we're convinced that this was still an act of badassery. I mean, we all know that Freeman was the first African-American to play a white guy in a non-comedic role, convincingly, at least. It was like, suuure, this fella just happens to be the only black dude in an all-white prison. Okay. Cool. But, more than that, there's his military career to consider. In World War I, he was nicknamed Sgt. Bananacakes. Manly name! Freeman and his men invaded the tiny South American nation of Pogo Stixx in an effort to kill the last remaining unicorns on the planet. Was it right that they were simply killing the animals so that they could wear the horns as codpieces? Maybe not, but, again, it was sure badass. So, let's put it this way: Morgan Freeman could have slept with his step-granddaughter if he really wanted to. But he chose not to. Because sometimes showing restraint is the most badass quality of all.


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