After a nightmare involving an angry and vengeful God punishing America for its relaxed sexual attitudes toward dancing trout in nudie suits, Senator Sterling Waterwaste of Buttplugg, Mississippi had a radical idea:
"Well, ya know, for far too long there's been way too much recreational fucking. So I hired some of the best engineering students from Bible colleges all over the country, and, after years of research, I'm proud to introduce the Cock-N-Puss Extraction and Retrieval System. Works like this: just put yer sex pet into that gizmo over there and it sucks the stuff into its belly. Sucks real hard 'till it comes off, ya see? After the extraction you gets this here ID card. You use the card to get yer sexy bits back. You have to pass a physical, attend fifty hours of Bible study, and draw a picture of a cute bunny. Then you must absolutely swear on the pantaloons of Gary Busey that you will only use yer babymakers for creatin' one of God's little miracles. We're hoping to have these death machines in libraries, post offices, and zoos across this great nation of ours by January 2013."
The Mugwump Corporation has placed an order for three of these machines.