Vanity Fair Fondly Remembers a Hollywood Without Negros
The newest Vanity Fair cover features, clockwise, Crystal Clear, Alabaster Bodypaint, Aryan Anna, and Goth White. Don't look too long or your eyes will burn. Three Mugwump Corporation employees have already lost their sight doing this exact thing.
Earlier today, we asked Vanity Fair Editor-in-Chief Rascal Funnybottoms about this controversial cover:
"Well, uh, you know, this is a tribute to the Golden Shower Age in Hollywood. Dig? Right. Back then, things were very glamorous and very white. Everyone was white back then, even black people. Don't blame us. This isn't the greatest cover in the world. This is just a tribute. An homage, see. We're a liberal magazine, which means we can get away with shit like this. Just needs some sort of historical context, see. We can't help it if there was a time in our history when only very pale women were considered beautiful and glamorous. It was a real classy time, when even strong women couldn't survive without a man. It's an homage, you stupid pussy farts! Okay? Look, just because we can't stand to feature ni--err, nice people on our covers doesn't mean that we're racist. We're simply fondly remembering a time when it was cool to be prejudiced. Dig?"
We dig, Mr. Funnybottoms. Here's to the further irrationalization of the human race!