Skip to main content

Dinosaurs Are Not Killers, They're Job Creators

via goodloe byron

Yup, of course we've heard ya'll liberals bitching and moaning about the "dinosaur menace" and whatnot.  And on some level, I suppose we can sympathize.  Nobody likes to see people stomped to death, least of all the person being stomped on.  But, economically speaking, where would we be without pissed off brontosauruses?  We can't predict exactly what would happen if they stopped smooshing people, but we know that a lot of people would be out of a job.  And that's something we have to take very seriously in a recession.

Think of those poor souls who have to quickly shovel the victims' poopy and flattened corpses off a sidewalk.  They're doing the Lord's work, if you ask me.  Also, think of the weapons manufacturers.  Sales of rocket launchers and grenade-firing guns would tank if brontosauruses stopped stomping on people.  And who can forget the work of those brave clowns, who stand ready at a moment's notice to hurry to the scene of a dinosaur stomp to distract entertain the gathering crowd of onlookers with juggling, acrobatics, and animal balloons.

But, okay, yeah, I hear ya.  You're thinking, "But what about all the people being stomped to death?  Don't they effectively hurt the economy by being dead and, therefore, unable to work most jobs?"  Of course not!  The economy will be fine!  You know as well as I do that the only people stupid enough to pick a fight with a dinosaur are poor people and the homeless.  And they don't have jobs anyway.  Now that I think of it, a good dinosaur stomping every now and then is a great way to get some of these loafers off food stamps and welfare.  In a way you could say that dinosaur stompings not only create jobs, but also help cut down government spending.  Win-fucking-win if you ask us.


Jaria Dreems said…
indeed stomping around creates jobs, not only the dinosaurs, but i stomp around creating not only the will to work, but some sort of will to stare blindly at sunsets so i would concur that with the dinosaurs influence i have created some sort of way of romance it would seem. just a thought,

Popular posts from this blog

Salvation, USA: A Not-Thrilling Thriller

Written by Bernie Van De Yacht and directed by Yacht and Brett Donowho, Salvation, USA is a thriller, sort of. It reminded me a lot of a Lifetime movie with a little sex and swearing. Until the finale, which gets all sorts of batshit violent and bloody. Ah, but advertising, eh? If you watch this movie after having seen the poster, you’ll end up wondering when the hell you’re going to see some violence, as violence is most clearly implied by the thing. And if you haven’t seen the poster, you’ll watch Salvation, USA and suddenly get weirded out when a pretty basic drama gets really freakin’ bloody by the end.

The movie concerns Vinnie (Ryan Donowho), a guy who seems passionate about fixing old stoves, restoring them to their former pristine states. But it’s all a ruse. Fixing the stoves is his launchpad for a long con. Donowho is a very charming actor, and so it’s not hard for the audience to be pretty damn hypnotized by his performance. We want to believe there’s good inside the guy. …

G Rated Horror: The Legend of Boggy Creek

The Legend of Boggy Creek was written by Earl E. Smith, but the whole thing represents the vision of director Charles B. Pierce. The story was pieced together from the tales of local residents from Fouke, Arkansas, some of whom appeared in Boggy Creek as themselves. The so-called Fouke Monster, basically a sasquatch, was a folk legend that residents claimed was real. Reports began to surface in newspaper articles around Arkansas in the early 70’s and they seized Smith’s imagination. He knew he had found the subject of his first feature film.

Pierce is an interesting character. A self-motivated guy with a ton of ambition, he worked as a weatherman and a children’s show host named Mayor Chuckles before starting his own advertising firm. He made commercials for all sorts of companies throughout Arkansas. The owner of a trucking company client loaned Pierce $100,000 to get started on shooting Boggy Creek. The film was an almost instant success in cheap movie theaters and drive-ins and it…

Boy Meets Chrome: Christine

Written by Bill Phillips from a novel by Stephen King and directed by John Carpenter, Christine, released in 1983, is a love story between a boy and his car. This time, however, the car is alive and quite possessive of her boy.

She’s an older lover, too. Christine, a red Plymouth Fury, is a disheveled twenty-one years old when eighteen year old Arnie (Keith Gordon) falls for her. She’s broken down, in a state of disrepair and decay. When his best friend Dennis (Dean Stockwell) drives Arnie home after their first day of school, Arnie sees her sitting in the yard of a house that’s just as dilapidated at the car. Arnie decides he’s going to fix her, make her run again.

This movie is all about sex, love, and obsession and the moral lines that get blurred when these things interact with each other. Christine begins as Arnie and Dennis drive around discussing sex. Dennis, a football player and quite an attractive young man, has clearly had plenty of it, while Arnie is still a virgin. Denni…