|via carabella sands|
Several conservative commentators have observed that overturning California's ban on gay marriage will have unintended consequences. How true indeed.
Now that same-sex humans can get married, other animals have seen this as an opportunity to promote their own depraved lifestyles. By far the worst offenders have been the gay, or, more properly, omni-sexual cats and kittens that have flooded into the state in an effort to promote the Kitty Agenda.
Cats are the most sexually depraved animals on Earth. Even the Jumping Fuckbeasts on the planet Umathurman aren't as savagely horny. Cats give up the good loving whenever they feel like it, whether the object of their affection wants it or not. Last week, in Golden Gate Park, there was a frightening public orgy. Sixteen cats and kittens rubbed themselves on balls of twine, old shoes, a toilet plunger, and a Frisbee, among other items. A nearby hobo lay in the grass muttering, "All is lost...all is lost..." while two cats licked either side of his cheek. He later died from injuries related to having no skin on his face. Goddamn, their tongues are scratchy.
Pauly Poundcakey, the famous kitty cat comedian, was on TV yesterday. She urged cats and kittens to "go where your rubs will be accepted. Rub against cats of all sexes. Sniff their asses. Be free. Come to California."
Experts predict that, in mere months, all living beings in California will have been sexed to death.