Skip to main content

After Marriage Ban Overturned, California Overrun with Gay Kittens

via carabella sands

Several conservative commentators have observed that overturning California's ban on gay marriage will have unintended consequences.  How true indeed.

Now that same-sex humans can get married, other animals have seen this as an opportunity to promote their own depraved lifestyles.  By far the worst offenders have been the gay, or, more properly, omni-sexual cats and kittens that have flooded into the state in an effort to promote the Kitty Agenda.

Cats are the most sexually depraved animals on Earth.  Even the Jumping Fuckbeasts on the planet Umathurman aren't as savagely horny.  Cats give up the good loving whenever they feel like it, whether the object of their affection wants it or not.  Last week, in Golden Gate Park, there was a frightening public orgy.  Sixteen cats and kittens rubbed themselves on balls of twine, old shoes, a toilet plunger, and a Frisbee, among other items.  A nearby hobo lay in the grass muttering, "All is lost...all is lost..." while two cats licked either side of his cheek.  He later died from injuries related to having no skin on his face.  Goddamn, their tongues are scratchy.

Pauly Poundcakey, the famous kitty cat comedian, was on TV yesterday.  She urged cats and kittens to "go where your rubs will be accepted.  Rub against cats of all sexes.  Sniff their asses.  Be free.  Come to California."

Experts predict that, in mere months, all living beings in California will have been sexed to death.


Popular posts from this blog

Salvation, USA: A Not-Thrilling Thriller

Written by Bernie Van De Yacht and directed by Yacht and Brett Donowho, Salvation, USA is a thriller, sort of. It reminded me a lot of a Lifetime movie with a little sex and swearing. Until the finale, which gets all sorts of batshit violent and bloody. Ah, but advertising, eh? If you watch this movie after having seen the poster, you’ll end up wondering when the hell you’re going to see some violence, as violence is most clearly implied by the thing. And if you haven’t seen the poster, you’ll watch Salvation, USA and suddenly get weirded out when a pretty basic drama gets really freakin’ bloody by the end.

The movie concerns Vinnie (Ryan Donowho), a guy who seems passionate about fixing old stoves, restoring them to their former pristine states. But it’s all a ruse. Fixing the stoves is his launchpad for a long con. Donowho is a very charming actor, and so it’s not hard for the audience to be pretty damn hypnotized by his performance. We want to believe there’s good inside the guy. …

G Rated Horror: The Legend of Boggy Creek

The Legend of Boggy Creek was written by Earl E. Smith, but the whole thing represents the vision of director Charles B. Pierce. The story was pieced together from the tales of local residents from Fouke, Arkansas, some of whom appeared in Boggy Creek as themselves. The so-called Fouke Monster, basically a sasquatch, was a folk legend that residents claimed was real. Reports began to surface in newspaper articles around Arkansas in the early 70’s and they seized Smith’s imagination. He knew he had found the subject of his first feature film.

Pierce is an interesting character. A self-motivated guy with a ton of ambition, he worked as a weatherman and a children’s show host named Mayor Chuckles before starting his own advertising firm. He made commercials for all sorts of companies throughout Arkansas. The owner of a trucking company client loaned Pierce $100,000 to get started on shooting Boggy Creek. The film was an almost instant success in cheap movie theaters and drive-ins and it…

The Burning City: An Interview with Brian Diemar of MMII

I first heard the name Brian Diemar a few months ago, when I was looking around for information about Stephen Bier, formerly known as Madonna Wayne Gacy, or simply “Pogo.” He was the keyboard player for Marilyn Manson and seemed to have disappeared from public view since he left the group in 2007. Until a few months ago, the latest update on Pogo’s Wikipedia page said that he was “now a photographer.” So that was that.

Except that he had been making and producing music the entire time. And his major collaborator is Brian Diemar. Brian is a veteran lead guitar player and producer. Just prior to meeting Pogo he had left the band AM Conspiracy, a group he had formed with Jason Jones, the former lead singer of Drowning Pool. Pogo and Brian first collaborated by producing other bands under the name Faultline Productions. Shortly afterward, they began their collaboration with Hoss, a drummer who had played with the Exies and Mondo Generator. Together, the trio are MMII (pronounced “em em eye…