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The Mugwump Corporation and the Irrationalization Party Urge You to Elect Pussywillow Buglesnout As Your Next Prez

via Goodloe Byron
Although the Republican Presidential candidates have been quite irrational so far, the Mugwump Corporation cannot, in the end, fully endorse any of their candidates with a clear conscience.  It's like they say, right?  You should endorse the candidate that most reflects your values, not the lesser of two evils.  Though, being evil isn't really much of a bother for us.  Gee-whooo.  Anyway, as you've probably figured out by now, the Mugwump Corporation pretty much only has one concern, though it is a big one: the total irrationalization of all things, everywhere.  Full stop, yo.  So we've formed our own party, henceforth known as the Irrationalization Party.  It is to be a third party of the fourth order.  And it is going to run a very special candidate.

Although Pussywillow Buglesnout's parents, Morp and Kkkkkkkkkkkzwzawzowaza Buglesnout are from the planet Asshattia, Buglesnout is in fact an American citizen, having been born in a manger in Bethlehem, Georgia, in 1831.  Currently living in Pimpsniff, Alabama, Pussywillow has graciously accepted the Irrationalization Party nomination for Prez. of the U.S. of (fuckin') A.  ThankyouJesusAmen.  Buglesnout announced his candidacy while standing on an overturned slop bucket behind his old wooden shack.  Though he adamantly refused to take questions from the audience (in this case a horny duck, a three-legged moose, and a frog that lost its soul) he did talk a little about his platform:

"Tits in every motorcycle helmet, a cock in every blue bonnet.  Yes.  Yeah!  This how I runs things.  I am for the molestation of imaginary friends.  I am against the consent of the governed.  I will make abortions illegal, except in cases of immaculate conception.  I will ban pants, except on Sunday, the Lord's Day.  I shall ban genitals on Tuesdays.  I will bugger your parents.  We shall raise Alfred Jarry from the dead for the express purpose of buggering him.  I will tax the dead.  I will ban the news.  Ozzy Osbourne will be my running mate, that is, if we can have him de-sexed and find him a unicorn in time."

The Mugwump Corporation looks forward to this exciting campaign.

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