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Warning! Your Children Might have already Gone Rogue: The Berenstain Bears Made me Want to Grease Up My Hair and Wear a Leather Jacket and Beat Up Nerds


Wasn't this supposed to teach us, like, lessons or somesuch?


Yeah, I remember them Berenstain Bears.  Sort of.  I remember Brother Bear the most because he was always getting into trouble.  Yeah, he was my favorite.  There was always some sort of “lesson” he learned in the end, but you could easily ignore that.  I mean, the real lesson, to me, was always that Brother Bear got his ass caught.

I remember this particular book where Brother Bear was sick and so he stayed home and just lay about in bed.  Reading comics and watching TV and shit.  Wonderful!  But then Momma Bear ruins his casual revelry by bringing him homework and shit to study.  Brother Bear does the only sensible thing and puts the homework aside and continues to fuck off.  Like a champ.  What?  That’s right, like a fucking champ.

Because he’s young and we all know that the most important thing to do when you’re young is to have fun.  You can turn yourself into a mindless productivity machine soon enough, fella.  I mean, when being young and just having a little fun is somehow in itself an act of rebellion, something is wrong with society, not the kids.  And so what if Brother Bear fails a pop quiz when he finally returns to class?  He has plenty of time to sell his soul for thirty pieces of silver.  Yeah, fuck the haters.  Do what you gotta do.

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